Harley...coming out of retirement? NOT!

Harley is loving the retired life. He did briefly consider getting a job last year when an application for Dogfather came through my email. One of hubby's cousins was having a baby -- they had a baby girl last August. Before she was born, they sent out a job application to be a Godfather/Godmother. Harley decided to apply to be Dogfather and this is what he filled out.

Application for God Father/Motherhood

(Fields in bold are required)

Please fill out entire application to be considered. Note that this application has three sections: Fill in the Blank, Multiple Choice, and Essay. For more information on filling any of these sections out, please refer to your grade school memories.

Fill in the Blank:

Name: Harley Scozzare

Date: August 20, 2009

Phone Number: I am missing opposable thumbs and I can’t pick up a phone so I don’t see the need to have a phone #

Email: I can’t type on a keyboard because of my paws, so I don’t have an email addy. My mom is typing for me.

Favorite Band: Three Dog Night

Favorite Bottled Water Brand: I’ll drink any water as long as it is in my bowl or in a toilet which is really just a really big bowl

Religion: no particular dogma

Number of Pets: I have 2 people, 2 cats and 1 puppy

Names of Pet(s): Cats: Harrison & Olivia, People: Ed & Marian, Puppy: Quail

Favorite Sport: Fetch

Favorite Sport Team: Chudley Cannons and Manchester United

Favorite Transformer: all of them – as long as they are plastic and can be chewed on

Favorite Care Bear: all of them – as long as they are soft, I can tear them to pieces

Age: 4

Sex: M although I’m neutered

Favorite TV Show: anything on Animal Planet

Multiple Choice: Please circle appropriate letter. If emailing application back, please highlight your response.

1. If you are driving on your local turnpike and our child repeatedly keeps asking if he/she can go to the bathroom. Do you?

A. Keep driving and turn the radio up to drown out the noise.
B. Grab an empty water bottle and casually flip it back to the kid.
C. Pull over at a rest stop.
D. Pull over on the side of the road. – I’ll let him /her go first and then mark/pee over it so everyone knows I was there
E. None of the above.

2. You are in a house of worship and our child starts screaming and crying. Do you

A. Keep praying and turn up your internal volume control to drown out the crying.
B. Realize that the movie “Omen” could happen in real life and realize that he/she might have a peculiar mark on his/her head, and leave immediately fearing the worst.
C. Leave the service to attend to his/her needs.
D. Do nothing.
E. None of the above – I’ll bark loudly to try to cover the noise of the crying

3. After raising your new child to be a fan of a particular sports team, he/she comes home from school one day and announces that he/she now likes the team that is said team’s most hated rival. Do you?

A. Nod your head approvingly while dying inside knowing that this ungrateful ingrate purposefully did this to get under your skin.
B. Laugh, and buy tickets to the next matchup between the two teams, and go with your other kid(s).
C. Laugh, and buy tickets to the next matchup between the two teams, and go with your whole family.
D. Ignore him/her and buy them a jersey from the original team.
E. None of the above.—I would bury all their new team stuff in the backyard and pretend I have no idea where it went.

Essay:

In 250 words or less, or more, please tell us why you would be the best candidate for this position. Please include any awards or special skills you possess that will help in this most important decision. Also, please mention any recent shows you may have gone to that will give us a glimpse into the kind of culture we will be sending our child into in the unlikely event that something will happen to us.

I was selected to be a breeder at the Seeing Eye where I met 9 very lovely ladies and had over 70 puppies. Like a good dogfather, I am not involved in their care at all and actually don’t even keep in touch with any of the mothers either – once was good enough for me. I was very good at my job though and was usually getting the job done within 20 seconds. I do have my Canine Good Citizenship Certificate and one of the things I am good at is lying on the floor for a minute and not eating the cheeseburger in front of me. I’m not allowed to go to the movies (some rule about dogs not being allowed in) but my people do watch the tv show “Bones” a lot – I’m not sure what the show is about but it must be good since it does involve bones and I do love milk bones.

I walk on leash very well and know commands like Sit, Rest and Down really really well. I do hope that should anything happen to you, your child(ren) would at least be old enough to take me on walks through the neighborhood. I also have all my shots.